I have a confession to make.
Despite being obsessed with “The Bachelor” (and for good reason), I haven’t been entertained by ABC’s infamous franchise since Pilot Pete’s hilarious plane -crash of a season. Clare Crawley’s early exit didn’t make sense, I remain a Greg Grippo stan and Clayton simply looked like a thumb. In fact, I haven’t rooted for a lead since Colton hopped a fence. Despite this bad streak, the “Bachelor in Paradise” season is back in full swing at the beach and fans get another treat as 72-year-old Gerry Turner gets another chance at love in the brand-new “The Golden Bachelor.” Apparently, age really is just a number.
Jesse Palmer is back as host of both shows — the new face of the franchise following the June 2021 exit of long-time main man Chris Harrison. If you found Harrison even the least bit tolerable, Palmer will help you out by setting the stage while letting the shows’ infamous drama do the dirty work. Even better, you can tune into the “Bachelor” franchise this fall through the free Xfinity student subscription.
Speaking of drama, let’s get into it.
“Bachelor in Paradise”
“Bachelor in Paradise” is easily my favorite show of the “Bachelor” franchise. Someone had the brilliant idea that everyone who was dumped in “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” belongs on a beach, giving them one more shot to stay relevant. Men and women alternate weeks picking their match and sending others home, as new cast members arrive at the beach weekly to stir up the drama. The flow of cast arriving and leaving makes the numbers more interesting at the infamous rose ceremonies.
Due to the well-known inability of the franchise to produce couples who stay together after the show, former leads (not just those dumped from previous casts) are appearing on the beach for the show’s ninth season. A whopping four leading ladies from “The Bachelorette” join the beach this season: Charity Lawson (season 20), Rachel Recchia (season 19), Katie Thurston (season 17) and Hannah Brown (season “I can’t believe she didn’t choose Tyler Cameron”). Recchia is the only “Bachelorette” that enters the beach during week one and immediately takes a backseat in the plot, which is a positive sign that the show won’t lean on its former stars to push the entertainment forward.
“Paradise” has an innate self-awareness and doesn’t take itself too seriously. Heart-eyes appear in cutscenes, a counter on the bottom right takes note of how often everyone says “vibes” and a whole conversation about sucking toes is left in the final edit. It’s just too bad the cast can’t have the same gift of self-awareness.
While Recchia doesn’t get the spotlight, Kylee Russell (from Zach Shallcross’ season) does. She claims so adamantly that she hates “all drama.” Then, in true “Bachelor” nation form, she immediately uses the first date card of the season to ask out Will (who kissed a different girl, Olivia, on the beach hours earlier). Russell still asks him out even after Olivia tells her and the rest of the women she is into Will. Ok Kylee, whatever.
You’ll enjoy this season of “Paradise” if you’re an avid watcher of the franchise — reprises of Blake (previews show a future confrontation with former fiancée Katie Thurston) and Eliza (the queen of “Paradise” season eight’s drama) are key here — but you’ll also fit right in if you’ve never seen a lick of previous shows. The editing from beachgoers saying “This will never happen…” or “I wonder if…” to something happening before your very eyes is impeccable in this first episode. They build suspense wonderfully and craft the perfect end to the first episode by throwing Kylee’s wonder-crush Aven down on the beach minutes after her dream date with Will.
Things are already spicy, and I’m here for it. It’s been a while since a TV show left my mouth agape. Thankfully, it’s “Paradise” season once again.
“The Golden Bachelor”
The first time I heard that the “Bachelor” franchise was doing an “older” version of their flagship show, I had to laugh. For a long time, a gripe with the show was that the drama was great, but everyone was too immature to make the romance component believable or keep couples engaged post-show. The franchise tried to inject some maturity into Clare Crawley’s season of “The Bachelorette,” casting a 38-year-old veteran lead to cut through the drama. Instead of being the franchise’s savior, Crawley left the season with her “perfect man” Dale Moss after just four episodes. And no, they’re not still together.
Having not learned from Clare’s lesson that older doesn’t mean wiser, executives greenlit “The Golden Bachelor” with an average cast age of 67! Oh boy. Or, I guess more accurately, oh old man. ABC is hoping that we treat this new show as if we’ve found Willy Wonka’s Golden Ticket, a novel way to watch love in a world overrun with dating shows. I think it’s a sad attempt to paint pretty gold over a concept that continues to entertain but continues to fail.
To give the producers credit, they’ve introduced a tone-shift without changing the formula. Everyone seems so wholesome, even if some of the limo introductions are a little bit naughty (I’m looking at you, Theresa). What’s missing here is the drama. Besides a few snarky remarks here and there, none of the usual first-night antics spice up the night. Gerry is uninterrupted talking with each woman, and none of them particularly do much. As someone who watches this show for its cattiness and immaturity, something is missing. I’ll be interested to see if the cast just needs some time to warm up to this new environment before ripping each other to pieces, but, if not, I can’t imagine enjoying “The Golden Bachelor” in the same way I adored watching Queen Victoria prance around in her tiara on Matt James’ season. You’ll enjoy this season if you think old people are cute and you believe in true love, but for me, the jury’s still out.
