Have you ever been in a class where everyone you talk to swears they got an A- on the last exam, but the class average was 73%? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t admit you were struggling to a close peer out of fear that they would judge? In today’s hypercompetitive world, college students are often pressured to project an image of perfection — flawless grades, thriving social lives and unshakable confidence. Yet, beneath the surface, many struggle with feelings of inadequacy, stress and isolation.
Each year, students struggle to learn the lessons college intends to teach us — memorizing amino acid structures, understanding the nuanced details of political elections or writing cohesive essays. Ultimately, however, the hardest lesson students need to learn can’t be taught in the classroom: how to be vulnerable.
Roughly two years ago, I published an article where I embraced a moment of vulnerability, speaking about my struggles with weed-out classes. While I had opened the door for many comments with similar experiences and support, I had also allowed people to criticize who I was and make judgments on where I should be. After reading the response written by my professor, I stopped being vulnerable. I never opened the article again.
Fast forward to four months ago, I received an email from a total stranger who stumbled across that same article when searching for the answers I admittedly still don’t have. She sent me a lengthy email asking questions and telling me about her struggles with the same classes. I responded with everything I had learned so far, acknowledging that I would never truly know everything she was asking me.
Admitting that I had dropped my dreams and then picked them back up felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my chest, and for the first time, I felt proud of my perseverance instead of ashamed of my mistakes. I still remember the moment that email changed my life, as it reminded me what that one moment of embracing vulnerability meant for us both. Now, I’m here to encourage you, whoever you are or whatever you struggle with, to believe in the effect vulnerability can have.
In the Australian and New Zealand Student Wellbeing Survey published in 2023, two in three college students said they would like to connect more with their peers. Talking with others in classes and on campus, it’s clear that this is a shared feeling among many, even at Vanderbilt. To gain this connection, however, we must deconstruct the idea that connection and vulnerability are on opposite sides of the coin.
In the fall of 2024, I took a social psychology course with Senior Lecturer in Leadership, Policy and Organizations and Professor Ryan Balch. Although only intended to fill a requirement for my major, the class ended up being one of the most meaningful to my education.
Within the class, we practiced the concept of vulnerability by sitting with a small group of our peers and admitting a mistake we made in our lives without justifying or explaining ourselves (which is way harder than it sounds). As I admitted my mistake and listened to others admit theirs, it felt like the whole room stood still. For a minute or two, there were no instructions other than to sit and think — to experience the discomfort that took over the room.
The unease we felt was just a representation of cognitive dissonance. According to Balch, we feel this cognitive dissonance because we strive to be perfect in the eyes of others.
“We feel dissonance when we hold contrasting ideas in our head between who we think we should be and who we actually are,” Balch said in an email to The Hustler. “If a person thinks they should be perfect or popular or cool, they will only share things with others that reflect that expectation as a way to reduce the dissonance. In reality, this is not being authentic.”
After waiting, we were allowed to talk to the peers who shared with us, telling them what we thought of their confession. Each person in my group eased my discomfort, telling me that my mistake was just a common experience that came from growing and maturing in college. None of us made mistakes that would cause the world to stop turning, but we carried the weight of them anyway. After only two minutes of vulnerability, I left class talking with my group. For the first time in a long time, I felt this compelling sense that I was exactly where I should be.
In a TED Talk by Dr. Brené Brown called “The power of vulnerability,” she talked about a research study she conducted and how those who had a strong sense of belonging shared a commonality: They embraced the vulnerability of being authentic. Simply, they believed that the truest version of themselves was worthy of that love and connection, and that belief is exactly how they obtained it. After watching the video, I applied it to what I’ve learned about college. By being authentic and embracing our imperfections, we allow ourselves to have a real connection with our peers. When we hide ourselves, we struggle to feel satisfied because every connection we make will never truly be authentic.
As I exchanged emails with a complete stranger, I realized it was the first time I had felt truly seen in my college experience. In just a few paragraphs back and forth, we came to understand that our mistakes were not just inevitable but also integral to our growth. More importantly, we recognized that those missteps shaped us into better individuals. That conversation left me with a renewed appreciation for vulnerability and the connections it can foster.
While it’s not an easy transition, there are ways that we can make an effort to be more authentic and, by extension, more vulnerable. The first and seemingly most obvious is to practice honesty with yourself and others, especially in moments where it feels uncomfortable. By embracing the dissonance we feel due to unrealistic expectations, we become more accepting of the flaws and challenges that make us human. Additionally, you should work to surround yourself with others who can and want to be authentic with you. After all, being vulnerable is much easier when it is a two-way street.
A less obvious but extremely important step to work on being vulnerable is to first learn how to be present. It’s a common feeling that there is an invisible finish line for many college students, where every step forward is met by the line moving away from you in equal measure. Rather than chasing, try maintaining — set goals, celebrate milestones and accept that your growth isn’t fixed. By seeing your academic and personal growth as an evolving process, you can then accept your struggles as part of said process.
While having the courage to be vulnerable isn’t like flipping a switch, taking the time and effort as college students to learn how to have hard conversations and embrace our imperfections can change the lives of others around us. By being kinder to ourselves and accepting flaws when it may be difficult, we give ourselves the space to be kinder, more forgiving and more accepting of our peers. Someday, that kindness might come back and make a difference for you, too.
So, talk about politics. Share your mistakes. Stand firm in what you believe — even if those beliefs aren’t always popular or easy to defend. Because, in the end, it’s not our polished facades that make us extraordinary — it’s our courage to be unapologetically human.
