I’m such a loser. 

That was my thought as I sat down on the Alumni Hall patio after carrying a plate over from EBI, ready for another dinner accompanied by the classic trio of me, myself and I. 

Going into this new school year, I made it a goal to be more social from the get-go. Even with activities and orgs starting up, I still had to eat; I might as well do it with a friend. Even beyond meals, I was going to make sure I took advantage of my limited free time and spent it with others.  

Still, something got in my way: constantly making plans, coordinating schedules and deciding where to grab a bite to eat or have a chance to chat. It all turned out to be just plain exhausting. 

I realized that even as a fairly extroverted person, social burnout hits hard. Rather than helping, it can sometimes hinder your enjoyment of spending time with others. So, instead of planning every second of my day around the schedules and social whims of others, I decided to suck it up and spend time alone. 

Especially at the beginning of a new semester, there’s this unspoken rule that if you’re already spending time by yourself, you’re perpetually doomed to be alone. We all scramble to pack our schedules with ways to be around others. It’s natural; humans are social creatures, after all, and I’m not advising you to put yourself in solitary confinement. However, there’s an issue when your day is full of bouncing around from one friend to another between classes and clubs; when are you spending time with just yourself, your thoughts and your needs? To be a Vanderbilt student is to have the “work hard, play hard” mindset, but I’m convinced that spending time alone would benefit many of us. 

Every relationship you have in your life is temporary. Some last longer than others, of course; you’re probably going to have a sibling in your life longer than your childhood dog or a close friend longer than someone you had a class with for a semester and never talked to again. Still, none of these relationships will last forever. We weave in and out of each other’s lives, but only one person is a constant in yours: you. 

You spend every moment of your life with your own self. No matter how hard you try to escape that all-too-familiar friend or foe, there’s only so much time you can use focusing on others to drown yourself out.  

To find contentment with this inescapable relationship, you need to become your own best friend. 

But in a world where we’re constantly influenced to change who we are, how can we learn to love ourselves enough to build that self-friendship? 

Take the time to dig deep into what you want. Are you making choices because you like them or because you feel socially obligated to do so? What is your identity, your style or your way of seeing the world beyond just the reflection of those surrounding you? Are you choosing to pack your schedule with lunches, meetings, extracurriculars and constant socialization because you’re truly lonely or because you can’t stand to be alone? There is a significant difference between those two that can impact our relationships with others. 

Being your own best friend doesn’t involve cutting out the other important relationships in your life; spending time with others is just as necessary as sleeping and breathing. But by knowing when to take a step back from drowning our brains in constant socialization, we can intentionally strengthen the relationships that truly matter to us instead of using them as filler. Time spent purposefully is time well spent, and by putting in the work to know ourselves on a deeper level, we can bring our best selves to others. After all, if we don’t intimately know our own soul, how can we connect with the soul of another? 

Go see a movie you’re interested in, even if none of your friends want to go with you. Your new best friend wants to go, and that’s enough. Wear an outfit that makes you feel cozy in a lecture, even if it doesn’t look the most put together. No one will bat an eye except for your best friend, who is just glad you are comfortable. Reminisce on what made you feel full of glee as a child. Would it get the same reaction out of you today? 

Being your own best friend doesn’t mean you need to disregard any of your flaws. It gives you the perfect chance to work on them. Start a workout regimen that excites you. Maybe pick up a new hobby that you’ve never had the time to pursue before, even if you are absolutely terrible at it. Work to improve yourself and grow into a better person, but be gentle as you do so. You wouldn’t put down your best friend, would you? 

Above all, build an introspective understanding of who you are when no one is watching. Understand your patterns, your quirks and the ins and outs of your mind.  No matter how strong your relationships are, no one else can grasp your depth in the way that you can. 

Relationships come and go; your only constant is yourself. It’s about time we started viewing that constant as comforting instead of scary. It’s the same you who took your first steps, sat in the classroom on your first day of kindergarten and stepped onto the Vanderbilt campus for the first time. The same you will wear that cap and gown, start your first job and experience every moment of your life until your last breath. Life becomes so much more joyful when you see yourself as a best friend. 

So, be content with no plans or pals every once in a while. Take yourself out to dinner. You’re not a loser; how could you be?  

You’re spending time with your best friend, who you’re only just beginning to know.