Ah, October.

As the weather chills and the leaves fall, sports fans get to watch two of the most classic autumn sports, sometimes at the same time: college football and playoff baseball. To celebrate, The Hustler analyzed all 14 SEC football teams and found their equivalents in Major League Baseball. In such an analysis of 28 sports teams in just over 2000 words, there’s bound to be plenty of hot takes, shots fired and tortured metaphors.

Without further ado, let’s rank ‘em up.

1. Georgia 7-0 (4-0)

MLB Comparison: Houston Astros

Both of these franchises are the cream of the crop at their respective sport. The Astros have a record-setting seven consecutive ALCS appearances, while Georgia is riding a staggering 24-game winning streak and back-to-back national titles. This year could also see both of these teams rewrite more history, as Georgia goes for the first-ever three-peat in D1 college football while the Astros are eight wins away from becoming the first back-to-back World Series champion in over 20 years. However, there are some cracks showing in both of these juggernauts. Georgia’s offense has looked off all year and is now without star tight end Brock Bowers, while the Astros find themselves down in the ALCS to their division rival Texas Rangers. Feel free to count these teams out at your own peril, as they’ve proved their doubters wrong time and time again.

2. Alabama 6-1 (4-0)

MLB Comparison: Los Angeles Dodgers

Two really good teams that get too much hate. Admittedly, it hasn’t looked as great recently as it did a few years ago. Alabama has been squeaking by relatively average SEC teams, and the Dodgers’ starting pitching wasn’t pretty in their NLDS exit. However, these are two really strong programs with both the resources and the institutional caliber necessary to get back to the very top. As unconvincing as this post-Bryce Young team has been, the Crimson Tide still have a clear path to the College Football Playoff and a coach with seven national championships under his belt. Dave Roberts has won seven NL West titles, two pennants and a World Series. 

3. Ole Miss 5-1 (2-1)

MLB Comparison: Philadelphia Phillies

These teams have three primary things in common: special powder blue jerseys that are among the best in sports, top-tier talent and an uncanny ability to hang with the elite teams in their respective leagues. Lane Kiffin is an elite coach that has made the Rebels a perennial danger to one day stand atop the SEC West. Having beaten LSU and Arkansas in consecutive weeks, LSU retains an outside chance at breaking into the SEC Championship game. Meanwhile, the Phillies yet again ousted the division-rival Braves from the playoffs in the NLDS and could win their second consecutive NL pennant this week if they can close out Arizona.

4. LSU 5-2 (4-1)

MLB Comparison: Chicago Cubs

As a note, I (Frankie) am writing this blurb under protest. LSU and the North-Siders share some similarities but are also different in many respects. One of the similarities is their joint status as national media darlings: the nation loved the Cubs’ 2016 World Series run as much as LSU’s national title in 2019 for their storied histories and quirky fanbases. Both have made recent strides in order to return to that glory. After ugly seasons from 2020-21, the Tigers have rebounded under Brian Kelly to make it back to the top tier of the SEC. The Cubs are a little farther behind under David Ross, having finished the season 7-15 to give up a 3.5-game lead in the Wild Card and miss the postseason.

Here’s one more bit of trivia that we stumbled on: LSU has an established tradition of playing home games at night ― they play the most night games in the SEC, dating back to 1932. Originally a way to allow blue-collar fans to watch games after work, the Tigers still aim to play as many home night games as possible. By contrast, the Cubs are the exact opposite. Wrigley Field didn’t even install lights until 1988, by far the last MLB stadium to do so. The Cubs still start nearly all Friday home games at 1 p.m. to pay homage to the roots of Wrigley and the tradition of day baseball ― even when night games at most other parks sell more tickets.

5. Missouri 6-1 (2-1)

MLB Comparison: Arizona Diamondbacks

Despite a history of trotting out frustratingly average teams, both of these franchises have been quietly building something special for the last few years. This year, they’ve announced themselves with a bang to the nation. Missouri’s offense is led by two heavily underrated upperclassmen in quarterback Brady Cook and running back Cody Shrader, who pair perfectly with budding superstar wide receiver Luther Burden III. The No. 1 wide receiver in his high school class, the Missouri native Burden chose his local college over Georgia and Alabama. He believed in the project that Eliah Drinkwitz was building at Missouri, and that belief has paid off handsomely. This is virtually identical to the Diamondbacks, whose offense is led by under-the-radar veterans in Ketel Marte and Christian Walker and MVP candidate Corbin Carroll. One of the best players in baseball, Carroll signed a long-term extension in Arizona largely due to his belief in manager Torey Lovullo’s project. Don’t expect either of these teams to fade away, as this is just the start for Drinkwitz and Lovullo.

6. Tennessee 5-1 (2-1)

MLB Comparison: Tampa Bay Rays

This was an obvious one. Tennessee isn’t just the Rays in football: The Volunteers match the Rays in every sport. Early in every season, they’re setting the world on fire, and the hype runs wild. Is this Josh Heupel’s year? Are the Vols going to make the College Football Playoff? Make a run in March Madness? Win the College World Series? How about the Lady Vols, are they going to win it all? Nope. The Rays started this season with 13 wins, tied for the most in the modern era. And what do Tennessee and the Rays get for their early-season prowess?

Nothing. Every year. At least Rays fans (both of them) only have to watch one playoff collapse per year. Sure, the Volunteers have looked pretty good so far; but with Alabama coming up, they could be in for yet another rude awakening.

7. Florida 5-2 (3-1)

MLB Comparison: Boston Red Sox

The similarities here run rampant. Both fan bases are insufferable to most of the country, primarily due to their obnoxiousness and tendency to overrate their team. Additionally, their most recent championship teams, the Red Sox in 2018 and Florida in 2008, are marred with controversy. The Red Sox illegally stole signs using live video, while players on that Florida team have done things that make sign stealing pale in comparison. Finally, both teams are now mired in mediocrity. Florida had its playoff hopes dashed by former Commodore Ray Davis and an average Kentucky team, while the Red Sox finished last in their division. Both fan bases will likely ignore this downturn and expect a championship next year.

8. Kentucky 5-2 (2-2)

MLB Comparison: Minnesota Twins

The Wildcats and the Twins have each been a pleasant, albeit inconsistent, surprise. Kentucky has the ability to succeed in an underwhelming SEC East, and the Twins comfortably won a dismal AL Central. They both can hold their own against the good-but-not-great level of teams like Florida and the Blue Jays. However, the music always seems to stop when the real powerhouses come to town. Kentucky took a 51-13 pounding against Georgia before a crushing 38-21 home defeat to Missouri on Saturday, so Big Blue fans are understandably looking forward to basketball. The Twins put a half-scare into Houston in the ALDS, but now it’s hockey season up north.

9. Texas A&M 4-3 (2-2)

MLB Comparison: New York Mets

The comparisons here virtually write themselves. Best recruiting class in college football history? Yep. Highest payroll in baseball history? Of course. Anything to show for it besides a lot of losses? No! Texas A&M consistently trots out the most talented players in the SEC and pairs them with a legendary coach in Jimbo Fisher, but the Aggies just can’t string wins together. Meanwhile, the Mets entered this year with future hall of fame pitching duo Justin Verlander and Max Scherzer and a lineup filled with all-stars. They concluded their season by finishing with a worse record than the Marlins, a team whose payroll is around 250 million dollars less. To compound the misery of A&M and Mets fans, both franchises remain the second most popular team in their own state.

10. South Carolina 2-4 (1-3)

MLB Comparison: Los Angeles Angels

I’m not saying that Spencer Rattler is Mike Trout or Shohei Ohtani, but there does seem to be a discrepancy between individual stardom and the performance of the team. Rattler is a projected first-round draft pick who regularly throws for 400 yards and multiple touchdowns against the top defenses in college football. Much like the Angels, though, South Carolina just hasn’t been able to convert that talent into sustained success. The Halos have pulled plenty of surprise results and put up magnificent individual performances, but they haven’t made the postseason since 2014. The Gamecocks put a scare into Georgia earlier this year, but they were beaten 41-39 by Florida at home on Saturday. Not good.

 11. Arkansas 0-4 (2-5)

MLB Comparison: Toronto Blue Jays

Following the Blue Jays’ 2021 record of 91-71, expectations for the young squad were high. Star first baseman Vladimir Guerrero Jr. amplified the pressure with his famous quote ahead of 2022.

“Last year was the trailer. What you are going to see this year is the movie,” Guerrero Jr. said.

2022 wasn’t much of a blockbuster, and 2023 was an equally disappointing sequel, as the Jays were bounced from the Wild Card round both times. Arkansas under Sam Pittman is a tragicomedy. The Razorbacks have lost five straight games, including twice at home. This Saturday’s matchup between Arkansas and Mississippi State will settle who’s the worst team in the SEC West. Both Arkansas and Toronto are in extremely tough divisions, but seeing their rivals succeed just makes their disappointment harder to bear. These teams will need to do some soul-searching soon to figure out why they’ve been left off the casting list yet again.

12. Mississippi State 3-3 (0-3)

MLB Comparison: Detroit Tigers

As a personal connection, some of my most distinct memories of following Vanderbilt sports come from Mississippi State. I can still hear the call-and-response of “Maroon! White!” ringing in my ears from the College World Series finals in 2021, and have heard that chant in both football and basketball plenty of times since. Given the heartbreak that Vanderbilt experienced then, I should feel some animosity towards that school and its fans. But I just can’t. Mississippi State and Detroit both have dedicated fans that deserve better than the product we’ve seen from them recently. The Bulldogs have looked woeful in their SEC schedule so far, with no signs of improvement anytime soon. The Air Raid offense has been central to Mississippi State’s identity, but the Bulldogs rank 12th in the SEC in passing yards. The Tigers may have more to look forward to next season, with an exciting young core, a proven manager in AJ Hinch and a wide-open AL Central. While optimism abounds both Starkville and Detroit, fans will continue to be skeptical until they see some results on the field.

13. Auburn 3-3 (0-3)

MLB Comparison: New York Yankees

With the recently expanded MLB playoffs, 12 teams get to make a postseason appearance. As one of the 18 franchises who did not play October baseball this year, the Yankees find themselves at 13th in our rankings. They also share a lot more in common with Auburn than their fans would like to admit, as both historic franchises have not won a national championship in more than 10 years. Additionally, their last appearances at the ALCS and SEC Championship, respectively, both featured iconic performances. Unfortunately, it was not for their team, as Yankee fans watched Jose Altuve send an Aroldis Chapman slider to the train tracks for a series-clinching home run, while Auburn fans watched Roquan Smith single-handedly dismantle their offense in a 28-7 Georgia win.

14. Vanderbilt 2-6 (0-4)

MLB Comparison: Oakland Athletics

There are a lot of fans out there, especially in the social media age, who complain that their team must be the unluckiest in sports. Oakland sports fans are one of the few groups for whom I have real sympathy. They’ve just watched 112 losses in one season and are about to lose their third and final major sports team to relocation in a decade. Aside from the despair and Vanderbilt’s now six-game losing streak, there is one more comparison with the A’s. As we saw again at FirstBank Stadium, so many people see Nashville as a premium tourist destination that Vanderbilt is routinely outdrawn at home. The A’s may have the same fate after they move to Las Vegas, especially when the big-market clubs come to town.