The 2016 World Series gets underway Tuesday night. Here’s what members of the Hustler staff had to say.
Kathy Yuan
Aren’t the Cubs playing?
Max Herz
The Cubs were the most likable dominant team in recent sports history until July 25, when they acquired closer Aroldis Chapman from the Yankees, as first reported by former Fox Sports Intern Patrick Howard, with intel from his friend who sells peanuts down the third base line at Wrigley Field. Suddenly, their extremely likable core of Anthony Rizzo, Kris Bryant, and company was tarnished by one of MLB’s least likable players in Chapman, who fired a full round of bullets at his girlfriend in his garage last winter. I will still allow the Cubs to win this series, but it has to be on a walk-off so Chapman isn’t responsible for locking down the final out. The return of Kyle Schwarber cancels out some of my extreme hatred for Chapman. Cubs in 6.
Robbie Weinstein
I’ve “boycotted” multiple recent World Series due to my aversion to teams like the Cardinals and Red Sox, so I’m glad that two of the less obnoxious markets in baseball are playing this year. In a battle between Major League and the Curse of the Billy Goat, I’m just disappointed that Charlie “Wild Thing” Sheen won’t be throwing out a first pitch.
Cutler Klein, assistant sports editor
This is setting up to be one of the best Fall Classics in recent memory. And you can thank one team for that: the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees.
But, why, you may ask, are the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees the catalysts of this historic World Series?
Let me enlighten you.
First, if it weren’t for 27-time World Champion New York Yankees general manager Brian Cashman’s savvy trades to send Aroldis Chapman to the Cubs and Andrew Miller to the Indians, neither team would have made it this far. Chapman was lights out against the Dodgers, and Miller was the MVP of the ALCS against the Blue Jays.
Secondly, thanks to the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees beating the Blue Jays four times in the month of September, while subsequently losing to the Red Sox four times, the Sox won the AL East and the Blue Jays went to the Wild Card game, setting up the ALDS matchups that produced an Indians-Jays ALCS, and therefore an Indians trip to the World Series. You’re welcome.
Third, if the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees had won their 27th title in 2003 by beating the Marlins instead of 2009 against the Phillies, Steve Bartman would be irrelevant and the Cubs wouldn’t be so inspired to beat their 100-plus-year curse in 2016. The only reason Bartman is a pariah is that the Marlins actually did win the World Series. If the Yankees had beaten them, no one in Chicago would care about him.
Sound the fire alarm.
Side note: Aaron Boone. That’s all I want to say. Aaron Boone.
Finally, if the 27-time World Champion New York Yankees hadn’t lost to the Red Sox in the 2004 ALCS (a year we don’t talk about, but I’ll open old wounds for the sake of this argument), the Cubs wouldn’t be the most cursed franchise in the MLB: The Red Sox would still hold that title. If that were still the case, this World Series wouldn’t mean as much. I mean, come on, what team trades away Babe Ruth and then expects to win anything for 100 or so years? Screw your Billy Goats, the Curse of the Bambino was the only real curse in the MLB.
*Cue the illuminati music. Or the Imperial March from Star Wars. Actually, the Imperial March for sure. Yeah.*
P.S. Did I mention the New York Yankees are 27-time World Champions?
Max Schneider
This looks to be a World Series for the ages, as in it’s literally been ages since either of these teams won anything. One of two things will happen. Either the Cubs will win their first World Series in 108 years and Cubs fans will explode, or the Indians will win their first in 68 years and Cubs fans will explode. I’m a Yankees fan in the regular season, but the Indians beat the Red Sox, so I’ve been rolling with them, up until some idiot upstairs decided that Charlie Sheen shouldn’t don his Wild Thing uniform and throw out the first pitch. Now I’m not so sure. As far as the series goes, only four times since the playoffs expanded to include the divisional series has the team with the best record gone all the way. Chicago is the best team, and they have it all: The offense, the defense, the pitching. But Cleveland has LeBron… Indians in 7.
Patrick Howard, special guest writer and former Fox Sports intern
You thought the Cubs were going to break their 108-year World Series drought? Think again, Cubs faithful. You’ll have to be faithful a little bit longer as this young team is sure to set you up for yet another disappointment. The Cubs may be the best team in baseball, but the Indians are riding high on magic this year.
Jordan Grapentine
I’m not a baseball guy, but I do know a few things. I know Bears fans, who hurl vulgarities at ten-year-old children wearing Packer jerseys. I know Blackhawks fans, who crawled out of Chicago’s sewers, sidewalk cracks and overrated delis in 2008 as quickly as they’ll shrink back once Patrick Kane retires or goes to jail. Therefore, I know Cubs fans, who deserve nothing less than another century of agony. Go Tribe.
Josh Hamburger, editor in chief
Last summer, I went on a trip to Kansas City to see the Royals play. They made the World Series and won it. This summer, I drove up to Cleveland to watch a game there. Now look where they are, in the World Series. You’re welcome, Cleveland. But my help stops there for you. Cubs in six.