Which SEC coach would win in a street fight?

By William Caldwell and Davison Thompson
Vanderbilt loses to Florida in football on Saturday, October 13, 2018. (Photo by Claire Barnett)

Connor McGregor vs. Floyd Mayweather. Floyd Mayweather vs. Manny Pacquiao. George Foreman vs. Muhammad Ali.

Notice a common theme? All epic boxing matches that drew national attention.

And boy oh boy, did we almost have another one last Saturday: Derek Mason vs. Dan Mullen.

In case you missed this near bench-clearing brawl, Dare Odeyingbo was targeted on a dirty hit against Florida, and after some extra-curriculars, Mason sprinted to the Florida sideline to try to give Dan Mullen a piece of his mind.

And this incident got us thinking: if all the head football coaches in the SEC were tossed in a ring, who would come out on top?

Let this list serve as an answer.

1. Ed Orgeron – LSU

Photo via USA Today Sports

Grit.

That is the first word that comes to mind with this guy. He’s Bayou born and raised and nobody in their right mind would mess with this guy. Talk about old-fashioned, Coach O would let you get a few swings on him first to let you build up your confidence, then he would unleash all his Louisiana Cajun strength and pick you up and toss you into a different area code.

He might not look the strongest, but he’s got the x-factor.

2. Barry Odom – Missouri

Denny Medley-USA TODAY Sports

Originally, Coach Odom was lower down on our list simply because he was the coach at Mizzou.

But then we looked at a picture of this man and wow is he built. Don’t know much about his fighting style, but all we know is that those bulges in his arms would do a lot of good in a street fight.

3. Derek Mason – Vanderbilt

Vanderbilt loses to Florida in football on Saturday, October 13, 2018. (Photo by Claire Barnett)

After last Saturday, there is no doubt in our minds that Coach Mason can get fired up. He sprang into action faster than any coach we’ve ever seen, so we think he could bring the heat and run circles around any opponent. If only NCAA rankings were based on the coach’s fighting ability.

4. Jimbo Fisher – Texas A&M

Hailing from Clarksville, West Virginia and standing at 5’8”, this head coach knows how to get feisty. Watching the way he berates refs, we have no doubts in our mind that being on the opposite end of a Jimbo punch would bring bad news. He knows how to unleash fury and he sure is not afraid to do so.

5. Dan Mullen – Florida

Vanderbilt loses to Florida in football on Saturday, October 13, 2018. (Photo by Claire Barnett)

After this past Saturday, we know Mullen’s temper can flare up. We know he can get in people’s faces.

We just aren’t too sure about his toughness. Sure, he could get a few punches in here and there on his opponents, but we think his ultimate downfall is his stamina. He’d eventually tire out and leave himself vulnerable to some haymakers. Better luck next time, Dan.

6. Matt Luke – Ole Miss

Photo via Ole Miss Athletics

Straight out of Gulfport, Mississippi, 41-year-old Matt Luke brings ultimate southernness to this battle. He’d hold his own for a few rounds, but similar to Mullen, his inexperience from being a first-year head coach would eventually be his downfall.

Could be a sleeper though. Don’t let your guard down.

7. Will Muschamp – South Carolina

Credit: Jeff Blake-USA TODAY Sports

In a similar situation to Luke, Muschamp brings his southern charm to the ring. Known as being a “nice guy”, we know he can bring his own nasty to a street fight, but we don’t think he’d be able to hold his own against people like the Cajun Monster in Coach O.

8. Kirby Smart – Georgia

This was a tough one. We know Kirby played college football and was a defensive back at Georgia, but ultimately, we didn’t see Kirby and his old-fashioned southern haircut really putting up a fight whatsoever.

But again, we think he’s a pacifist who wouldn’t get in a fight in the first place, so take that as you will.

9. Jeremy Pruitt – Tennessee

(Photo by Bryan Lynn/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Pruitt is the head coach of Tennessee. He’s lucky we didn’t rank him dead last because of that.

10. Gus Malzahn – Auburn

We think his glasses could throw a harder punch than he could.

11. Mark Stoops – Kentucky

Photo via USA Today Sports

Stoops is a 51-year-old football blue blood out of Youngstown, Ohio. While usually that warrants some attention in these types of polls, he seems to be the odd one out in this one. It’s not that he couldn’t produce any haymakers, but just looking at him, we think he’d lose quickly.

12. Joe Moorhead – Mississippi State

Moorhead does not look like a “football guy.” He looks more like he should be behind a desk at some big investment firm, and we all know those guys couldn’t hang with the Cajun Monster.

13. Nick Saban – Alabama

He stands at a very generous 5’6” and is all talk. He can get feisty, sure. But there is no doubt in our minds that anybody a wee-bit taller than him could quite literally pick him up and chuck him into orbit.

14. Chad Morris – Arkansas

Morris is a good guy. His son is a high school starting quarterback in Dallas, so he flies home every Friday to watch him tear apart opposing defenses. There’s no way a guy like that would get into a fight. Genuinely, that’s a good guy move.

Keep doing you, Coach Morris.

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